Self-Regulation 101: Managing Your Emotions Before They Manage You

Written By Sandra McGeough

Let’s be real. Staying calm when everything around you feels chaotic sounds like a great idea… until someone cuts you off mid-sentence, your inbox is on fire, or that one teammate says that thing again.

Let’s crush the misconception. Self-regulation isn’t about being stoic or pretending you’re fine when you’re not. It’s about recognizing what’s happening inside of you, and choosing how you want to respond, rather than reacting on autopilot.

And it’s one of the most underrated leadership skills out there.

What Is Self-Regulation, Really?

At its core, self-regulation is your ability to stay aware of your emotions and manage your behavior in the moment, especially when it’s uncomfortable.

It’s not about being emotionless.
It’s about being emotionally intelligent.

And there’s science behind it. When you’re under stress, your prefrontal cortex (the part of your brain responsible for rational thinking and decision-making) can go offline. That’s when we snap, shut down, or say things we regret.

The good news? You can train your brain to stay online.
It all starts with awareness.

Signs You Might Be Dysregulated

Not sure if you’re operating from a regulated state? Here are a few red flags:

  • You overreact to small things (and then feel bad about it)

  • You feel numb, foggy, or detached

  • You’re constantly overthinking or replaying conversations

  • You go into “fix it” mode when emotions rise

  • You avoid difficult conversations altogether

These aren’t failures. They’re signals, and once you can see them, you can start to shift them.

My 3-Step Self-Regulation Reset

You don’t need to meditate on a mountaintop to get grounded. Instead, here’s a quick, doable process you can use anytime:

1. Pause + Breathe

Interrupt the stress response by doing the simplest thing. Breathe.
Even one deep breath sends a message to your nervous system: We’re safe.

Try this: Box breathing. Inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. So simple. So effective.

2. Name What You Feel

You can’t regulate what you can’t name.
Give yourself permission to feel what you feel, without judgment.

Ask yourself: “What am I feeling right now? And what might be triggering it?”

3. Choose Your Next Best Step

This is where the shift happens. When you’re grounded, you get to choose your response, not just survive the moment.

Ask: “What would the grounded version of me do next?”

Why Self-Regulation Is a Power Skill for Leaders

Regulated leaders…

  • Make better decisions under pressure

  • Create safer environments for their teams

  • Are trusted more (because they’re consistent and calm)

  • Model what it looks like to lead with emotional intelligence

And let’s be honest here. If you can’t lead yourself through discomfort, you’ll struggle to lead others through theirs.

In-the-Moment Reset Phrases

If you feel yourself getting hijacked emotionally, try these:

  • “Let’s take a pause and come back to this in 10 minutes.”

  • “I want to be fully present. Can we revisit this in a bit?”

  • “I need a moment to regroup before I respond.”

These aren’t signs of weakness. They’re signs of wisdom.

Final Thought

Self-regulation isn’t about perfection.
It’s about presence.

It’s a muscle you build, moment by moment, conversation by conversation. And when you practice it consistently, you create more space for clarity, connection, and conscious leadership.

If you want to lead with intention, coach with empathy, or show up with more calm (even when life is anything but calm), this my friends is where it all begins.

Want to Build Your Own Self-Regulation Toolkit?

Let’s connect. I help leaders shift from reacting to responding, so they can show up grounded, empowered, and fully present.

Sandra McGeough